Receiving an autism diagnosis as an adult can be a profound and life-altering experience. For many, it brings a sense of relief and understanding, but it can also be overwhelming and challenging. As a friend or family member, your support can make a significant difference in their journey. Here are some insights and advice shared by autistic adults that can help you provide meaningful support.

Acceptance and Understanding

  1. Just Accept It: The most fundamental aspect of supporting someone newly diagnosed with autism is acceptance. Understand that autism is a part of who they are, and it’s not something that needs to be “fixed.”
  2. Pause Before Responding: Remember that their behaviors and responses are not personal attacks. Taking a moment to pause can help you respond with empathy and understanding.
  3. Validate Self-Diagnosis: If they have self-diagnosed before receiving a formal diagnosis, validate their experience and feelings. Self-awareness is a crucial step in their journey.

Communication and Interaction

  1. Listen: Sometimes, the most powerful support you can offer is simply listening. Let them share their thoughts and feelings without interruption or judgment.
  2. Communicate in Writing or Text: For some autistic individuals, written communication can be easier and less stressful than verbal communication. Respect their preferred mode of communication.
  3. Understand the Importance of Words: Be mindful of your language. Words can have a significant impact, so always mean what you say and avoid ambiguous statements.
  4. Open Communication with Compassion: Foster an environment where they feel safe to communicate openly. Approach conversations with compassion and without shame.

Sensory and Emotional Support

  1. Allow Them to Unmask: Many autistic individuals mask their true selves to fit in. Encourage them to be themselves around you without fear of judgment.
  2. Big, Full Pressure Hugs: Some autistic people find comfort in deep pressure. If they are comfortable with it, offer big, full-pressure hugs.
  3. Bring Headphones During a Meltdown: Sensory overload can lead to meltdowns. Having headphones on hand can help them manage overwhelming situations.
  4. Help with Hydration: Sometimes, simple tasks like staying hydrated can be challenging. Offer reminders or assistance with drinking water.
  5. Communicate About Sensory Needs: Ask about their sensory preferences and needs. Understanding what might be too loud or too bright can help you create a more comfortable environment for them.
  6. Give Them Space During Meltdowns: Respect their need for space and time to recover during meltdowns. Your presence might not always be comforting in these moments.

Practical Support

  1. Help with the Hardest Tasks: Offer assistance with tasks that they find particularly challenging. This could range from household chores to navigating social situations.
  2. Help with Scheduling and Appointments: Managing schedules and attending appointments can be overwhelming. Offer to help with organizing and accompanying them if needed.
  3. Create a Burnout Kit: Help them put together a kit with items that can help during times of burnout, such as sensory toys, comfort items, or favorite snacks.

Boundaries and Positivity

  1. Have Boundaries: It’s important to establish and respect boundaries. Know the signs when it’s time to end a conversation or give them space.
  2. Find the Positives: Focus on their strengths and the positive aspects of autism. Celebrate their unique abilities and perspectives.
  3. Ask About Their Interests: Show genuine interest in their hobbies and passions. Engaging with their interests can be a great way to connect and show support.

What Not to Do

  1. DON’T Tease or Say Things Are Weird: Avoid making jokes or comments that could make them feel alienated or misunderstood.
  2. DON’T Say Nothing: Silence can be interpreted as indifference. Even if you don’t know what to say, expressing your willingness to learn and support can be very reassuring.
  3. DON’T Say “You Don’t Look Autistic”: Autism doesn’t have a “look.” Comments like these can be dismissive of their experience.
  4. DON’T Make Random Comments on Their Systems or Accommodations: Respect the systems and accommodations they have in place. Unsolicited opinions can be unhelpful and intrusive.
  5. DON’T Abandon Them: Consistency and reliability are crucial. Be there for them, especially during challenging times.

Educate Yourself

  1. Do Your Own Learning: Take the initiative to learn about autism from autistic individuals’ perspectives. This reduces the emotional labor on them to explain their experiences.

By following these guidelines, you can provide meaningful and compassionate support to someone newly diagnosed with autism. Your understanding and acceptance can make a significant difference in their life, helping them navigate their journey with confidence and positivity.

Dr. Jessica Myszak and Dr. Jaime Long have significant experience performing psychological evaluations with children and adults. They offer both in-person and telehealth evaluations for children, teens, and adults looking for answers. In addition to seeing clients on the Chicago North Shore, they are able to work with families who reside in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Washington DC, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming! Dr. Long is also now available to see clients in California. If you are interested in learning more about potentially working with them, you can visit their website here to get the process started.