Parents of autistic children often wonder whether they should tell their child about their diagnosis. Some may worry that labeling their child will make them feel different, while others believe that knowing will help them understand themselves better.

Through my experience working with autistic individuals of all ages, I have learned that understanding their diagnosis is one of the most important gifts you can give your child.

Why Some Parents Choose Not to Tell Their Child

Many parents hesitate to tell their children they are autistic because they want to protect them. They may fear that their child will feel limited by the label or that it will change how they see themselves.

Why Some Parents Choose Not to Tell Their Child

Some parents also believe that if their child is doing well academically and socially, there is no need to bring it up. This was the case for a fourth-grade student my sister, a behavior professional, worked with. The child had an autism diagnosis but was thriving in school, and her parents decided to remove all support services and not tell her about her diagnosis.

While this decision was made with good intentions, it can lead to confusion and struggles later in life.

The Risks of Keeping Autism a Secret

One of the most common things I hear from adults who were diagnosed later in life is that they always felt different but didn’t know why.

They spent years struggling with social interactions, sensory sensitivities, and emotions, assuming that something was wrong with them. Many of them brought up concerns about autism in the past, only to have their feelings dismissed by family, friends, or professionals.

When children do not have an explanation for their differences, they often blame themselves. They might think:

“I must not be trying hard enough.”
“I must be doing something wrong.”
“Maybe I am just weird or broken.”

These thoughts can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and even depression. When peers or teachers also misunderstand their struggles, it only adds to their feelings of isolation.

Why Children Should Know They Are Autistic

Children cannot always recognize that their experiences are different from others. If they struggle in social situations, feel overwhelmed by loud noises, or get exhausted from masking their true selves, they might assume that everyone feels the same way.

Why Children Should Know They Are Autistic

Without an explanation, they may start to believe that their challenges are personal failures instead of differences in how their brains work.

Telling your child they are autistic gives them:

A sense of identity – They can understand why they experience the world differently.
Self-acceptance – They learn that their differences are part of who they are, not something to be ashamed of.
The ability to advocate for themselves – They can explain their needs and seek support when necessary.

When children grow up knowing about their autism, they are more likely to embrace their strengths, seek accommodations when needed, and build confidence in who they are.

When and How to Tell Your Child

Parents often struggle with how and when to tell their child they are autistic. There is no single right answer, but the key is to start early and keep the conversation open.

You do not need to sit your child down for a one-time, serious discussion. Instead, introduce the idea naturally over time. Explain that everyone’s brain works differently and that autism is just one way of thinking and experiencing the world.

If your child is already asking questions about why they struggle with certain things, it is a good sign that they are ready to understand more.

FAQs

Is it ever too late to tell my child they are autistic?

No, it is never too late. Even if your child is a teenager or an adult, learning about their autism can bring clarity and self-acceptance.

Will knowing they are autistic make my child feel different?

Many autistic individuals already feel different. Understanding why can reduce confusion and self-blame and help them embrace who they are.

How do I explain autism to my child in a simple way?

Use language they can understand. You might say, “Your brain works in a special way that makes some things easier and some things harder. That is called autism.” Tailor the explanation based on their age and level of understanding.

Should I wait until my child asks about it?

Not necessarily. Many autistic children do not realize their experiences are different. Waiting for them to ask may delay important self-understanding.

Conclusion

Telling your child they are autistic is an act of love and empowerment. It gives them the knowledge to understand themselves, the confidence to advocate for their needs, and the reassurance that they are not alone.

Even if the conversation feels difficult, it is an important step toward helping your child grow into a self-aware, confident, and supported individual.

Need Professional Support?

Dr. Jessica Myszak has over 10 years of experience performing psychological evaluations with children and adults. She offers both in-person and telehealth evaluations. In addition to seeing clients on the Chicago North Shore, she can work with families who reside in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Missouri, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Nevada, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin! If you want to learn more about potentially working with her, you can contact her to start the process.