As summer days gradually give way to the cool, crisp air of autumn, many families begin preparing for the transition back to school. This time of year is often filled with anticipation, excitement, and—let’s be honest—more than a little bit of stress. For neurodiverse families, including those with PDAers (children and adults with pathological demand avoidance), these feelings can be magnified as the shift in routines, new social dynamics, and sensory demands create challenges that may feel overwhelming. Whether you’re a parent, educator, or someone supporting a neurodiverse loved one, understanding how to ease this transition is essential. Here are a few practical tips that can make this seasonal shift smoother for everyone involved.

1. Start Early with Gradual Routines (with Flexibility for PDAers)

One of the most effective ways to prepare for the return to school is to gradually reintroduce the routines that will define your days. Neurodiverse individuals, including those with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing differences, often thrive on routine and predictability. Rather than waiting until the week before school starts, consider slowly adjusting bedtime, wake-up times, and mealtime routines a few weeks in advance. This gradual shift can help the body and mind adapt, reducing the shock of sudden changes.

For PDAers, routines can sometimes feel like demands, which can trigger anxiety or avoidance behaviors. Instead of enforcing rigid routines, consider introducing them with flexibility. Allow for choice and autonomy wherever possible. For instance, instead of saying, “It’s time to get up now,” you might offer a choice between two activities: “Would you like to start the day with breakfast or getting dressed?” This approach gives PDAers a sense of control, which can reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.

For adults, whether you’re a parent or a teacher, consider setting your alarm earlier to match the upcoming school schedule. It’s not just children who need time to adjust; adults, too, can benefit from a gradual shift that helps them feel more centered and less rushed when the school year begins.

2. Create a Visual Calendar (with Optional Participation for PDAers)

A visual calendar can be a game-changer for many neurodiverse individuals. Having a clear, visual representation of what’s coming up can reduce anxiety and help everyone feel more in control. For children, use images or symbols to represent different parts of the day—school, homework, meals, playtime, and bedtime. You can also include any special events or appointments that might be coming up.

For PDAers, participation in creating or viewing the calendar should be entirely optional. Some might find it helpful, while others might feel it’s another demand being placed on them. Gauge their comfort level and be prepared to adjust. If they’re open to it, involving them in the creation process can give them a sense of ownership over their schedule.

For adults, a visual calendar can be a helpful tool to manage your own commitments while keeping track of your child’s schedule. If you’re a teacher, consider using a similar approach in your classroom, with a daily or weekly schedule posted where students can easily see it. This not only helps neurodiverse students but can also support the entire class in understanding the flow of the day.

3. Focus on Sensory Preparedness (and Emotional Safety for PDAers)

For many neurodiverse individuals, sensory sensitivities can make the school environment particularly challenging. Loud noises, bright lights, and crowded spaces are just a few of the factors that can cause distress. Preparing for these sensory demands ahead of time can make a significant difference.

Parents might consider investing in noise-canceling headphones, soft clothing, or fidget tools to help their child cope with sensory overload. For PDAers, it’s also crucial to focus on emotional safety. Reassure them that it’s okay to take breaks or have a safe space they can retreat to if they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Educators can also play a role here by being mindful of the sensory environment in their classrooms. Soft lighting, designated quiet spaces, and flexible seating options can create a more welcoming atmosphere for neurodiverse students. For PDAers, ensuring they have an emotional safety plan—like a signal they can use when they need a break—can be very beneficial.

4. Plan for Self-Care (and Encourage Autonomy for PDAers)

As the school year ramps up, it’s easy to overlook self-care, but this is especially important for neurodiverse families. Parents and caregivers often put the needs of their children first, but it’s crucial to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritize activities that help you recharge, whether it’s a quiet morning walk, a yoga session, or simply spending time on a hobby you love.

For PDAers, self-care might mean having the freedom to choose their activities and not being forced into specific “self-care” routines. Offering options and encouraging autonomy can help them feel more in control and less anxious.

Teachers and school staff should also be mindful of their own self-care routines. The beginning of the school year can be demanding, and taking time to decompress, connect with loved ones, and pursue personal interests can make a big difference in maintaining your energy and enthusiasm.

5. Establish Open Lines of Communication (with Respect for Boundaries for PDAers)

Communication is key in any transition, but it’s particularly vital in neurodiverse families. Create an environment where it’s okay to express feelings, ask questions, and discuss concerns. Regular family meetings can be a great way to check in with each other and address any worries before they become overwhelming.

For PDAers, it’s important to respect their boundaries when it comes to communication. Some may prefer indirect forms of communication, like writing or drawing, while others might need more time and space to process their thoughts. Ensure that communication feels safe and non-demanding.

Educators should also foster open communication with both students and parents. Establishing a clear, compassionate line of communication at the start of the school year can build trust and ensure that any challenges are addressed early.

6. Embrace Flexibility (and Non-Confrontational Approaches for PDAers)

Finally, remember that flexibility is your friend. Despite the best-laid plans, things don’t always go smoothly, and that’s okay. Being adaptable in your approach can reduce stress and allow for creative problem-solving. If a particular strategy isn’t working, don’t be afraid to try something new.

For PDAers, flexibility is crucial. Avoid confrontational approaches that might trigger demand avoidance. Instead, offer choices and allow for spontaneity where possible. For example, if a PDAer resists getting ready for school, consider framing it as, “What can we do to make getting ready more fun today?” rather than insisting on it in a rigid way.

For parents, consider adjusting routines or expectations as needed. For educators, it could involve trying different teaching methods or providing accommodations to better meet the needs of your students. The goal is to create an environment where everyone feels supported and understood.

 Conclusion

The back-to-school transition doesn’t have to be a source of stress for neurodiverse families, including those with PDAers. With thoughtful planning, open communication, and a focus on sensory and emotional preparedness, the start of the school year can be a time of excitement and growth for everyone involved. By taking care of both the practical and emotional needs of your family or students, you can set the stage for a successful and fulfilling year ahead!

Dr. Jessica Myszak and Dr. Jaime Long have significant experience performing psychological evaluations with children and adults. They offer both in-person and telehealth evaluations for children, teens, and adults looking for answers. In addition to seeing clients on the Chicago North Shore, they are able to work with families who reside in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Washington DC, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming! Dr. Long is also now available to see clients in California. If you are interested in learning more about potentially working with them, you can visit their website here to get the process started.