Masking doesn’t just affect children—it’s a common experience for many neurodiverse adults, especially those with autism or ADHD. For adults, masking involves hiding or adjusting behaviors, emotions, and responses to fit in, avoid judgment, or meet societal expectations. While it can be a useful social tool, masking over long periods can lead to stress, exhaustion, and even mental health challenges. In this post, we’ll explore the concept of masking in adults, why it happens, and practical strategies to help adults address it and support their well-being.

What is Masking in Adults?

Masking in adults is the act of concealing one’s true personality, emotions, or behaviors to navigate social or professional situations. This can mean mimicking others, suppressing natural responses like stimming, or adopting “scripts” for social interactions. Many adults have learned to mask as a way to feel safe and accepted, particularly in environments where being different might lead to misunderstandings or exclusion. However, this constant adjustment often comes at a personal cost.

Why Do Adults Mask?

  1. Social Acceptance: The desire to fit in with friends, colleagues, or family members can lead to masking.
  2. Avoiding Negative Reactions: Fear of being judged, criticized, or misunderstood can cause adults to hide their natural behaviors.
  3. Meeting Professional Expectations: Many workplaces expect employees to follow specific social norms, which can pressure neurodiverse adults to mask.
  4. Internalized Expectations: Many neurodiverse adults have learned that showing their authentic selves can result in exclusion, so they may mask out of habit or self-protection.
  5. Desire for Relationships: Some adults mask as a way to connect or build relationships, even if it requires a lot of energy.

Signs of Masking in Adults

Masking can look different in adults, but some common signs include:

  1. Feeling Drained After Social Interactions: Adults who mask often feel exhausted after work, social gatherings, or other interactions.
  2. Difficulty Expressing Needs: They may avoid asking for help or showing discomfort to maintain a “normal” appearance.
  3. High Levels of Anxiety: Masking can lead to stress and anxiety from the pressure of appearing a certain way.
  4. Frequent Copying of Others: Some adults may mimic social behaviors to avoid standing out, leading to a lack of spontaneity in interactions.
  5. Challenges with Emotional Regulation: Suppressing emotions for too long can result in burnout or sudden emotional outbursts.
  6. Difficulty Recognizing Their Own Needs: Adults who mask may lose touch with their preferences, likes, and dislikes, making self-care more challenging.

The Impact of Masking on Mental Health

The long-term effects of masking can be significant. Adults who mask may experience:

  • Burnout: The constant effort to appear “normal” can be physically and emotionally exhausting.
  • Increased Anxiety and Depression: Suppressing their true selves can lower self-esteem and increase feelings of isolation.
  • Identity Confusion: Long-term masking may make it difficult for individuals to understand their own identities and needs.
  • Delayed Self-Acceptance: Masking can delay the process of embracing one’s neurodiverse traits and understanding their strengths.

Understanding Masking How to Support Authentic Self Expression

How Adults Can Address Masking

While masking can feel automatic, there are steps adults can take to reduce it and embrace their authentic selves:

1. Find Safe Spaces for Authenticity

Identify places or people where you feel comfortable being yourself. This could be trusted friends, online support groups, or neurodiversity-friendly communities where you can express your true self.

2. Practice Self-Awareness

Take time to explore who you are without masking. Journaling, meditation, or working with a therapist can help you better understand your true preferences and needs. Reflecting on when you mask and why can help you feel more in control.

3. Advocate for Your Needs in the Workplace

If masking at work is causing stress, consider speaking to a manager or HR representative about accommodations that can help you feel more comfortable. This could include flexible hours, breaks, or sensory accommodations if possible.

4. Challenge Perfectionism

Masking often stems from a need to meet unrealistic standards. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes or to express your needs. Practice permitting yourself to be less than perfect in social situations.

5. Use Mindfulness to Manage Social Interactions

During social interactions, mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce automatic masking responses. Focusing on your breathing, noticing your body language, and paying attention to your emotions can help you feel more grounded.

6. Celebrate Neurodiversity

Educating yourself about neurodiversity and connecting with the community can help you embrace your unique traits. Neurodiverse adults often find relief in understanding that their differences are strengths, and by celebrating them, they can feel empowered to be authentic.

7. Seek Therapy or Support Groups

Working with a therapist who understands neurodiversity or joining a support group can provide a safe space to discuss the challenges of masking. Therapy can also offer tools for building self-advocacy skills and reducing the need for masks.

8. Create Routines That Include Sensory Breaks

Make time for self-soothing activities or sensory breaks during your day. Whether it’s using fidget toys, listening to music, or taking quiet time alone, these breaks can help recharge your energy and reduce the need for masking.

9. Set Boundaries with Others

It’s okay to limit time with people who expect you to mask or who don’t understand neurodiversity. Setting boundaries can protect your energy and mental health, allowing you to spend more time in spaces where you feel safe being yourself.

10. Practice Self-Compassion

Remember that unmasking is a journey and takes time. Be kind to yourself when you feel the need to mask, and recognize the courage it takes to be your authentic self.

Embracing Authenticity

Unmasking as an adult is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. While it may feel daunting to reduce masking, each step toward authenticity can bring a sense of relief and belonging. By creating safe spaces, setting healthy boundaries, and finding support, neurodiverse adults can begin to reclaim their true selves and experience the freedom to be who they genuinely are.

Conclusion

Masking is a survival strategy many neurodiverse adults use to navigate a world that doesn’t always accommodate their needs. However, the emotional cost of masking highlights the importance of understanding, acceptance, and self-compassion. By recognizing when and why they mask and learning strategies for embracing their authentic selves, adults can create more fulfilling and balanced lives, free from the pressure to hide who they truly are. —

Dr. Jessica Myszak and Dr. Jaime Long have significant experience performing psychological evaluations with children and adults. They offer both in-person and telehealth evaluations for children, teens, and adults looking for answers. In addition to seeing clients on the Chicago North Shore, they can work with families who reside in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Washington DC, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming! Dr. Long is also now available to see clients in California. If you are interested in learning more about potentially working with them, you can visit their website here to get the process started.