Masking, or camouflaging, is when a child hides their natural behaviors to fit in or avoid negative attention. This is common for neurodiverse kids, like those with autism or ADHD. For them, masking can be tiring and emotionally difficult. It often goes unnoticed by parents, teachers, and friends, but learning about it and finding ways to help is essential for supporting their well-being and self-expression.

What is Masking?

Masking is when a child hides their true feelings or actions in social or school settings to blend in. This might include copying others, holding back natural movements like stimming (repetitive, soothing actions), or using certain phrases to “fit in.”

Kids often learn masking to feel safe, especially if they’ve felt judged, bullied, or left out for being different. It might seem like they’re doing fine socially, but masking can cause stress and anxiety.

Why Do Kids Mask?

1. Social Pressure: They want to fit in and not stand out.
2. Avoiding Negative Attention: They’re afraid of being teased or punished.
3. Expectations from Adults: Kids may pick up hints from adults to “act normal.”
4. Wanting Friendships: Copying others can help them make friends.
5. Sensory Needs: They may hold back actions like stimming to not disrupt others.

Understanding these reasons helps caregivers see how the environment affects masking.

ill little boy wearing green t-shirt in warm scarf and hat covering with scarf his face looking worried standing over light background

Signs of Masking in Kids

Spotting masking can be hard, but here are some signs to look for:

  1. Emotional Exhaustion After Socializing: They may seem fine at school but have meltdowns at home.
  2. Inconsistent Behavior: They act one way at school—quiet and reserved—and another way at home, where they might be more expressive.
  3. Difficulty Asking for Help: They might not speak up about their needs to avoid drawing attention.
  4. Frequent Copying: They repeat others’ words or actions but may seem less spontaneous. They might imitate phrases or actions they see on television shows or in real life.
  5. Hiding Stimming or Sensory Behaviors: They may appear calm in public but need to stim in private.
  6. High Anxiety or Perfectionism: They might worry a lot about being perfect or apologizing too much.
  7. Poor Emotional Control: Holding in emotions can lead to sudden outbursts later.

The Hidden Costs of Masking

Masking isn’t just a harmless strategy; it can be hard on a child’s mental health, leading to:

  • Burnout: The effort to fit in can be exhausting.
  • Increased Anxiety and Depression: Hiding their true self can hurt self-esteem and lead to loneliness.
  • Difficulty Discovering Their True Self: Masking can make it harder for kids to understand who they are.
  • Delayed Diagnosis: Masking can hide neurodiverse traits, delaying needed support.

How to Help a Child Who Masks

  1. Create Safe and Accepting Spaces: Kids are more likely to be themselves in spaces where they feel accepted. Show them it’s okay to be themselves, even if that means acting differently.
    – At Home: Praise their natural behaviors.
    – At School: Encourage programs that celebrate differences.
  2. Encourage Self-Expression: Let them explore hobbies or special interests to feel valued for who they are.
  3. Acknowledge Their Efforts: If they talk about the difficulty of masking, listen and show you understand.
  4. Provide Sensory-Friendly Tools: Give them access to items like fidget toys or allow sensory breaks to help them relax.
  5. Teach Emotional Awareness: Help them recognize and express their feelings with tools like emotion charts.
  6. Educate Others About Masking: Teach teachers, friends, and family about the challenges of masking to build understanding and acceptance.
  7. Seek Professional Support: Therapists trained in neurodiversity can help kids build confidence and advocate for themselves.
  8. Advocate for Special Accommodations: Make sure they have access to things like sensory breaks, extra time, or other supports at school or activities.
  9. Be Picky About Your Child’s Therapies and Activities: While it’s impossible to eliminate all causes of masking, ensure that the supports in your child’s life are not encouraging masking (i.e., stressing eye contact, punishing them for stimming, etc.)

Helping Kids Embrace Their True Selves

Supporting neurodiverse children is about being patient and understanding. Celebrate their unique traits, talk openly about neurodiversity, and show them that their differences are strengths. By reducing the pressure to mask, we create an environment where kids feel safe, valued, and understood.

Conclusion

Masking is a coping tool many neurodiverse kids use to navigate a world that doesn’t always meet their needs. However, the emotional toll of masking highlights the importance of early identification and supportive environments. By recognizing the signs of masking and fostering acceptance, we can help kids live authentically, free from the pressure to hide who they really are.
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Dr. Jessica Myszak and Dr. Jaime Long have significant experience performing psychological evaluations with children and adults. They offer both in-person and telehealth evaluations for children, teens, and adults looking for answers. In addition to seeing clients on the Chicago North Shore, they are able to work with families who reside in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Washington DC, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming! Dr. Long is also now available to see clients in California. If you are interested in learning more about potentially working with them, you can visit their website here to get the process started.