Talking to your child about autism can feel overwhelming. How do you explain it in a way they understand? When should you start? Every child is different, but based on my own experience as an autistic adult and father of autistic twins, I believe it’s important for children to know about their autism as early as they can process it.

Here’s how I approached this conversation with my kids and why I believe open discussions about autism lead to greater acceptance and understanding.

Feeling Different Without Knowing Why

I remember being five years old and realizing I was different from the other kids. I didn’t know why, but I felt it. In early elementary school, I barely spoke to my classmates because I just couldn’t relate.

At the time, autism wasn’t as well known as it is today, so no one thought to tell me I was autistic. Looking back, I wish I had known. The confusion only grew stronger as I got older. By sixth grade, the bullying began. Kids picked up on the fact that I wasn’t like them, and they made sure I knew it.

By my freshman year of high school, things got so bad that I started skipping lunch just to hide in a hallway. I spent two years eating alone in that hallway, avoiding the cruelty of my peers. A few kind seniors took me under their wing, but even then, I rarely spoke.

I barely graduated. My final school even rounded up my GPA to a 2.0 so I could get my diploma. It wasn’t until I was 23 years old that I finally got my autism diagnosis.

A Different Approach: Telling My Twins Early

Because of my own experience, I wanted things to be different for my autistic twins. I didn’t want them to grow up feeling confused, alone, or ashamed of who they were.

At three and a half years old, my twins are too young for a complex conversation, but I’ve found simple ways to help them understand their autism.

Using Teachable Moments

Instead of sitting them down for one big talk, I introduce autism naturally in everyday situations.

After a Meltdown

When one of my twins has a sensory overload or meltdown, I remind them:
💬 “Your brain and my brain work a little differently, and that’s okay! Our brains can do some cool things, but sometimes they get stuck, and that can make us upset. When that happens, we just need to take a little time to get unstuck.”

When They Show Autistic Behaviors

If they start lining up toys or repeating a sound for a long time, I join in and make it a fun experience.
💬 “You like lining up your cars? That’s awesome! Our brains are really good at finding patterns. Patterns make our brains happy because they help us understand the world.”

By turning these moments into positive discussions, I show them that their autism is something to celebrate, not hide.

Explaining Autism to Neurotypical Siblings

Autism isn’t just something my twins need to understand—it’s something their neurotypical siblings need to understand, too.

One day, as my five- and seven-year-old daughters played nearby, I took the opportunity to talk to them.

💬 “Have you ever heard of autism?”
After a simple explanation, I told them: “Your brothers have autism.” My older daughter understood right away and asked a few questions, which helped me see what she already knew and what I needed to explain further.

My younger daughter struggled to grasp the concept, so I used a relatable analogy:

💬 “Remember when you got a new toy and you couldn’t stop thinking about it, even when you weren’t playing with it? Sometimes, people with autism get stuck like that, and it’s hard for them to switch to something else.”

That explanation clicked for her. She understood that sometimes her brothers might get really mad or really sad when their brains get stuck, but that’s okay—we’re all learning how to help them reset.

The Power of Early Understanding

Watching my daughters process this information was incredible. Instead of seeing their brothers as “different,” they simply saw them as themselves.

Now, when my twins get overwhelmed, their older sister helps by getting their favorite blanket or suggesting a reset break. She instinctively knows that their reactions aren’t bad behavior—they’re just part of who they are.

Why Autism Conversations Matter

Talking openly about autism makes a big difference. When kids grow up understanding that autism is just another way of thinking, they are more likely to accept differences instead of judging them.
When autistic behaviors are normalized, there’s no reason to tease or exclude. Instead, kids learn to be supportive and kind.
Of course, this won’t eliminate bullying or misunderstandings, but from my experience, having these conversations throughout childhood will help autistic children feel accepted, confident, and proud of who they are.

FAQs

1. When should I tell my child they are autistic?

As soon as they are able to understand in a way that makes sense for them. Use simple, positive language and adjust as they grow.

2. How do I explain autism to a young child?

Use real-life examples they can relate to, like feeling “stuck” on a thought or finding patterns in toys. Keep the conversation light and supportive.

3. How can I help my neurotypical child understand autism?

Use simple analogies and answer their questions honestly. Show them how they can support their autistic sibling in a way that makes sense to them.

4. Is it okay if my child doesn’t fully understand right away?

Yes! Understanding autism is a lifelong journey. The important thing is to create an open and accepting environment where they feel safe to ask questions.

Conclusion

Telling your child they are autistic doesn’t have to be a one-time conversation. By introducing autism in everyday situations, using positive language, and helping siblings understand, you create an environment where autism is accepted, not hidden. Every child deserves to know who they are and to feel proud of it.

About the Author

Trapper Shafer is an autistic adult, a father of five (including two autistic children), and the founder of UNPUZLD, a clothing brand promoting autism acceptance. 50% of all profits go to autism organizations. Learn more at: UNPUZLD.

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